I don’t know what to say in today’s blog. A number one, yes I guess I am upset that David has not read my blogs and then has confronted people trying to have a discussion with the group. Having read all other blogs and not mine I wasn’t upset at first and I am still not upset at Dave I am upset by the situation.  I feel that his coaching was wasted. Also He is trying to get the “group” back on track but poses questions to me, not to the group. I enjoy David’s opinions and inquiry, but a private conversation should be held if a majority of the inquiry is going to be posited in my direction. I also feel that he had the opportunity to come into the discussion better informed on my opinions and wasn’t, but was informed on others bias opinions can create tense situations. I don’t mean for this to make him feel bad as I know that this is a new experience for him as well and a learning process, but I didn’t feel like the situation was as beneficial as it could have been.

 

I also wish that more discourse occurred between our instructor and our student group, T.w.s.s I feel like our group has bonded immensely and that she will come in and the dynamic will be such that there is not an area for here, or that stepping in of a new person will skew the dynamic in such a way that people are upset.

 

I also think that more engagement between students and instructor could result in better group discussion and more accurate relation of the topics to the course structure. It is difficult for us as a group do discuss a situation that we encountered without mediator, as Dave tries his best it is difficult as he is one of us, our friend and group mate, also he is earlier in his learning curve towards becoming and effective group coach/inquirer. I also feel that having Christen around more would help us to progress more as a group and less as individuals. We struggle sometimes wanting to reflect but not having a structure to do it in. Maybe Christen has chosen to stay away on purpose in order to let us develop, but I fear if she waits to join us she will always be an outsider, and if she does not join us it will be difficult to maintain group norms, constructive conversation, and reflection.

 

I guess I am generally upset with peoples pessimism there are 10 of the most motivated best people I know here especially involved in social change, and leadership, but there are still several people here that don’t believe that global social change can occur for us.  We had an eventful day including a bias discussion of South African History, a museum tour that was confusing and involved to many artistic portrayals to be historically accurate. A historically accurate museum is not based on art, it is based on history, I don’t know. I mean there was plenty of historical fact, but is was semi clouded by a bias and artistic portrayal. There was also a great deal of reading involved like maybe an entire fully sized text book worth. I am talking 600-800 pages on 8x10 published in hardcover by Mcgraw Hill, just a comparison. Like maybe 15-20 hours worth of reading. Possibly hundreds of hours.

 

We discussed things today; I cant blog about it accurately yet. I am extremely frustrated by this situation. I know that I have had this same frustration before, with Aaron, I am upset with the fact that people are willing to settle for less, or if not that don’t believe we can achieve more. But we can, Yes we can, and without the governments people can help people without the fretted term “redistribution of wealth” I don’t want wealth to be redistributed I want people to be willing to help people, and they will on a global scale one day without the help of oversized governments, and bureaucracies.

 

I clearly learn, and support. I know that learning comes first, informed decision-making comes from learning and the only way to make responsible decisions is to be informed, and to have reasonable outlines for why the decision was made based on the information that is withheld. I however realize more and more that decisions are made on instinct or what people think rather than informed decision making based on some structure. There is often little accountability even in every day life how can we expect it from anyone if we ourselves don’t practice it.

 

I am so passionate, that it clouds my abilities. I am able to articulate main points and reasoning for decision-making, I however am so passionate that I cannot step back from the situation and allow for appropriate resolution.

 

I use the term yes but, instead of something such as I agree with your ideas but draw a different conclusion from the information presented, okay maybe not quite as dry, but similar.

 

I have to write again about perception or expectations, there is no real way t measure accuracy of assumptions about people or situations, there is no way to know if your assumption is going to be true or not. I believe that all situations that are experienced cannot be described as assumption ahead of time. Assumptions are based on incomplete detail and also on expectations of a person or a group that are based on experiences that the assumer has had. All assumptions that a person has are fallacy, designed by the imagination to hopefully come up with a plausible situation.

 

There is no way for me to describe to you how I am feeling right now. I am frustrated to the penultimate right now. I get told by professors in the leadership minor, time and time again that this frustration is normal that I will get over it, then it turns into Professor Frustration as I do not get over it, then it has usually turned into me being difficult at the professors have had trouble on how to help me through my struggle. I am told that I need to move on past my frustration in order to make things work for me on my “journey”, however, not that I am asking the professors for a way out of my frustration, but I belive that this is a battle and not me being difficult, I am not a difficult person, I don’t like being frustrated with the situation, I feel that in the past instructors have failed to find away to help as there is often not easy answers for difficult problems and many in the past have used me being difficult and not moving past my frustration as a way to justify not being able to help. I am though not even nessicarily asking for help to move through my frustration, but asking to not get blamed for it. It is something that isn’t something I need to “get over” or “move past” it is something I need to move through on my own to use to motivate and to create change. I don’t want to be blamed for being a bad leader because of my frustration, I don’t want to have someone tell me that I am being impeded on my journey due to my frustration. It is my frustration that drives me that continues me on this journey, If  everything were okay in my view there would be no need for frustration and no need for change, but as long as I know the world can change quickly for the better without the intervention of the government, That I need my frustration, it is the catalyst for my reaction and when it runs out, I will either be so bogged down by it that I cannot continue, or that all my frustration will have been eliminated due to social change globally.

 

We went to a really nice restaurant for diner, the served classic South African Food, the restaurant sat atop a hill above Cape Town, over looking the city, It was beautiful.

 

I am going to just end on a side note and realize that our Group has formed amazing bonds in just 2 days. It is good to know that people here do support me for who I am and what I believe, even in a small group of students that have never really chilled together before have been able to know and feel each other, (T.W.S.S).

 

I probably will not write a morning blog today as it is already 705 am and I don’t have time to write another blog before we go out on our excursion for the day.

 

We also went to a market in Cape Town today every third or fourth booth sold the same items. Dave and I went into a store that sold the same items but smelled like sickness maybe plague so we left. Could have been H1N1, maybe.

 

I find it hard (TWSS) to identify all things that I want to concentrate on, think about, and relate to this blog, to my private journal, and everyday life. I don’t know what I am taking away yet. But I know  that I am continuing the journey.