When shit happens(seriously) .... this is what blogs look like

While sick and in Gugulethu I was writing in a journal and not typing much once I got better the internet was broken and blogger wasn’t working. I have transferred everything here to one blog page and attached appropriate dates. There is more from other dates in between that may be added but here is what exists for now.

Sunday May 31

Today was our first day in the township. I didn’t really have any idea what to expect but its been mostly sitting around all day waiting for stuff, so it hasn’t really been that bad. Church wasn’t as bad as I was expecting either. Im not the biggest fan of church but it was okay. Big fan of the pillow clappers… but not nearly so much as the prayers. I wish that there were something in my life that I could get that worked up about in public alas there is not. It was good that we were hanging out at the community center all day, as it is a safe public place and home base for everyone. I think it would be difficult for us to be dropped with our house families first thing. I have to write a paper tonight still about my thoughts on the township. I really should have done it before we left; it’s going to hurt my thumb to write all of this and then a paper. It’s going to be short. I was excited that we finally got to meet some South African people and start to experience the culture I have been waiting for that since we got here. JP is just not a cultural icon I don’t think. He is not unlike other tour guides; he does always think his jokes are funny. I don’t like typing as much in word because it disagrees with the way I want to be saying things and wants to correct me all the time. I wish I could make blogger work better. I think that this blog is over now. I’ve seen my house now… it’s very nice, everything you would expect from any house except slightly smaller. 3 bedrooms one bath small kitchen wood floors… a shower.. There isn’t a toilet seat though, and there are some weird plants in the room.


Friday June 5

It’s disappointing that I didn’t get to blog at all while on my home stay in Gugulethu. I wanted to be writing in my journal, but between not wanting to write because of my tired and not wanting to write because my of my thumb makes it easy for me to not write anything at all. I have a lot to say about the week, but Im not really sure where to start. I think I am going to try to keep it short and just hit the highlights. Mykala stood up at the wrong time during church. We bought a soccer ball for some kids, Its really cold everywhere and rains too much, we didn’t have enough time for reflection or decompression, and I wish we would have gone to the after school program more. Im not so sure about delivering the food parcels it seems kind of awkward 15 people wondering around in someone’s home after bringing them food. I also don’t know about taking tons of pictures with them. We have had tons of talks and lectures really good meals, a haircut, and cokes. Tons of interesting people met 350 dum dums gone, one broken camera, 2 given away soccer balls, 15 Minnesota tee shirts given away. I haven’t even really been writing in my personal notes journal the things that were going on this week. Im upset about it a little but there have been so many great experiences that it has been worth it.
I liked my host family a lot. Liziwe was very nice and accommodating she would wake up David and I every morning. She bought us fruit and came home from work and washed and ironed our clothes one day. She taught us about 3 different types of clicks, how expensive things were at the square downtown, all about Benjamin Dube, how here bathroom got to be so big, where the toaster was, and many other great things, she taught us about the language differences between zulu and khosa, and all about how it was okay to fail Afrikaans language courses if you were from the eastern cape and passing all of your other courses.
I agreed with a many of the ideas that our presenters had, many of them spoke of community, and relationships. The need for all parties of a situation to have equal participation in help projects, and a need for more awareness. One of the things that I found super helpful that was discussed, was the idea that a leader should not be the center of a community, or the supporting pillar, they shouldn’t be more important than any of the other citizens. I think maybe that if this were true that leadership would be a much different concept, I think the world leader and the word citizen could combine into one word. If everyone could chose to do better things less leaders would be needed… or more people would be leaders.
I really liked the after school program. It seems that maybe the children really appreciate us being there which helps the group attitude stay up I think. I don’t know what everyone else thinks of all the singing but I think it’s a really big honor that they do all of those things for us. Im gonna try to write more later I smell updowg?

Tuesday June 9th

I have been diarrheaing all over and puking my face off, for a few days now. It sucks…. I keep trying to feel better, but I cant. I went to the doctor he said it was going to be fine, but it sucks. I haven’t really been doing anything except laying in bed watching the same few episodes of comedy central. Jim Norton… pretty funny.. Doug Benson… kinda funny… Ares Spears. Not that funny but pretty good impressionist… and an episode of National Geographic Lions Vs. Hyenas. It sucks to be sick. I cant even concentrate on things either this is the most I have gotten done in a few days and its pretty difficult. I don’t even really have the motivation to read or anything. I can atleast get away from the group for a while and spend some time decompressing and thinking about things… sort of getting my ducks in a row.

Saturday June 13th
Been to Robben island. Not that great… they trapped us on a bus immediately after we got of a boat.. toured us around with the most dramatic man of all time didn’t let us get off the bus to actually look at anything got off the bus to look at cape town… didn’t get to see the school the asylum, the church, the estate house, or the giant guns from WWII but we got to see cape town. Sometimes the stories he told weren’t at all relevant to anything too, that was fairly annoying. After the bus torture I mean tour, we were forced into a guided tour of an empty prison. Hes verbal imagery wasn’t that great… well just say I don’t think his last name is Tolkien. It would have been nice if there was more upkeep on the property or something it was really forced and awkward. I think this experience has made me appreciate jail.

Also hiked up a mountain. I was so ill. This trip up the mountain was my saving grace I think… combined with 5 day of laying around sleeping 20 hours a day and drinking tons of water. I demolished that hiking path. I bought some magnets on the top and I had a chance to clear my head of some stress and my body of some disease. It was nice to be back together as a group living and stuff. It has been difficult because we are spending so much time together but still trying to remember that we all like each other and that petty things are starting to look really big due to repetitious people. I hope that we can remember that we are still friends and that nerves are just grinding cause the trip is coming to an end.
Im also having a little trouble due to my illness I feel that I didn’t quite get the right come down off of my stay in the township. I haven’t really talked about it much with anyone because its been so overwhelming but I think now that people are talked out about it so I don’t want to wear on anyone nerves.

Climbing up the mountain really helped me out I had a few thoughts about how I don’t really work hard at anything. I spend a lot of time working hard enough to do something pretty well but never enough time to make it good. Just enough time to make it pretty good. I think that this has to do with the fact that I haven’t found anything that has sparked that passion in my. I see very many people around me that work really hard at things because they either like the outcome, or the enjoy the process. I haven’t found anything in my life yet that I enjoy the outcome, or the process of enough to try really hard at it. I don’t think there is anything is my life I have ever worked very hard for.

I need to climb mountains. The view from the top the feeling the clean headedness.

I went shark diving. It was great amazing. But not that much to reflect about I saw great white sharks… they were big.

Everyone is ready to go home. Amanda and Trnka already have left for Britain. I leave for Amsterdam tomorrow. I have decided not to use internet, phone, or my camera while I am there I want it to be a complete experience. I want to spend time alone decompressing. There aren’t very many times in your life when you can just be alone as thousands of miles from home in a foreign country with no communication with the outside world I think its going to be wonderful. People are wondering around looking for stuff to do today its pouring rain and stuff so that sucks.

Looking back on this trip thus far it has been a really great experience for me a life experience that I wont ever regret and will always be able to draw things from and talk about.


Sunday June 21

Im back from Amsterdam now that was great. I really wish I had an easier time decideing what to write in my blog there are so many things that need to be said. I went on a train ride that took me into flower fields which was nice and a canal ride in a boat that was too long. I thought about a lot of things watched the same 4 comedy shows over and over again mostly at night though like when I was sleeping they just played Its really just a waste. I don’t know there is a lot to share but I am going to put it off School starts again tomorrow and I am still tired. Ill try to write a bunch more soon. I have a lot more written down here and there that I will try to collect into something that’s “meaningful” here and then it will be all in one place… maybe not.

I have to thank one of the members in my group for something she has done to help me move beyond frustrations that I have been having for many months. Simply by saying a few simple words of confirmation to me I feel that everything that I have been feeling and experiencing in my life has come to a more zen place. She talked with me for several hours about shared ideas and experiences. I came on this trips in hopes of finding a connection with someone like this who shares my viewpoint and knows what I feel about social norms and how I want to world to change. I have been trying to on this trip open up new relationships and experience things from other peoples views to connect with people and find shared interests and common goals. I think, at least I hope that this is happening. 

We went on our african safari. Today. Ever one here is ready to go to church today.

I have thoughts on different things and people about discriminations and intolerance promoted or thought about by people here and at the University. I have to go, there is never enough time in this course for anything we are over programed. There is too much going on and not enough of the things that I want, but I still am having fun and living the experience. 

Written May 28

I havent posted a blog in several hours I thought maybe it was time for a new one. It was just sunny outside and then all of the sudden it started to rain all of the sudden, like a down poor. Yesterday was our driving tour we got around, TWSS. "Matt I gave it to you last night" speaking about a power cord that has been lost, no one can find it. TWSS. We went out on a cape tour last night. It started out with us being to the bus on time and then already according to our tour guide being too late, but we went on a nice mountainy drive as that is mostly what arises right out of the ocean here. 1000 meter cliffs literally rise straight up from the sea in places. We started on a boat ride, Emily can flip here eyes and its weird. Mykala is having trouble finish a blog so I am trying to motivate here by sitting next to her and giving her deadlines. Matt is mad at me because I called him a woman and apparently I cant joke about that when he is upset. Bite my head off. I think I am going to do something else now. 

I don’t know what to say in today’s blog. A number one, yes I guess I am upset that David has not read my blogs and then has confronted people trying to have a discussion with the group. Having read all other blogs and not mine I wasn’t upset at first and I am still not upset at Dave I am upset by the situation.  I feel that his coaching was wasted. Also He is trying to get the “group” back on track but poses questions to me, not to the group. I enjoy David’s opinions and inquiry, but a private conversation should be held if a majority of the inquiry is going to be posited in my direction. I also feel that he had the opportunity to come into the discussion better informed on my opinions and wasn’t, but was informed on others bias opinions can create tense situations. I don’t mean for this to make him feel bad as I know that this is a new experience for him as well and a learning process, but I didn’t feel like the situation was as beneficial as it could have been.

 

I also wish that more discourse occurred between our instructor and our student group, T.w.s.s I feel like our group has bonded immensely and that she will come in and the dynamic will be such that there is not an area for here, or that stepping in of a new person will skew the dynamic in such a way that people are upset.

 

I also think that more engagement between students and instructor could result in better group discussion and more accurate relation of the topics to the course structure. It is difficult for us as a group do discuss a situation that we encountered without mediator, as Dave tries his best it is difficult as he is one of us, our friend and group mate, also he is earlier in his learning curve towards becoming and effective group coach/inquirer. I also feel that having Christen around more would help us to progress more as a group and less as individuals. We struggle sometimes wanting to reflect but not having a structure to do it in. Maybe Christen has chosen to stay away on purpose in order to let us develop, but I fear if she waits to join us she will always be an outsider, and if she does not join us it will be difficult to maintain group norms, constructive conversation, and reflection.

 

I guess I am generally upset with peoples pessimism there are 10 of the most motivated best people I know here especially involved in social change, and leadership, but there are still several people here that don’t believe that global social change can occur for us.  We had an eventful day including a bias discussion of South African History, a museum tour that was confusing and involved to many artistic portrayals to be historically accurate. A historically accurate museum is not based on art, it is based on history, I don’t know. I mean there was plenty of historical fact, but is was semi clouded by a bias and artistic portrayal. There was also a great deal of reading involved like maybe an entire fully sized text book worth. I am talking 600-800 pages on 8x10 published in hardcover by Mcgraw Hill, just a comparison. Like maybe 15-20 hours worth of reading. Possibly hundreds of hours.

 

We discussed things today; I cant blog about it accurately yet. I am extremely frustrated by this situation. I know that I have had this same frustration before, with Aaron, I am upset with the fact that people are willing to settle for less, or if not that don’t believe we can achieve more. But we can, Yes we can, and without the governments people can help people without the fretted term “redistribution of wealth” I don’t want wealth to be redistributed I want people to be willing to help people, and they will on a global scale one day without the help of oversized governments, and bureaucracies.

 

I clearly learn, and support. I know that learning comes first, informed decision-making comes from learning and the only way to make responsible decisions is to be informed, and to have reasonable outlines for why the decision was made based on the information that is withheld. I however realize more and more that decisions are made on instinct or what people think rather than informed decision making based on some structure. There is often little accountability even in every day life how can we expect it from anyone if we ourselves don’t practice it.

 

I am so passionate, that it clouds my abilities. I am able to articulate main points and reasoning for decision-making, I however am so passionate that I cannot step back from the situation and allow for appropriate resolution.

 

I use the term yes but, instead of something such as I agree with your ideas but draw a different conclusion from the information presented, okay maybe not quite as dry, but similar.

 

I have to write again about perception or expectations, there is no real way t measure accuracy of assumptions about people or situations, there is no way to know if your assumption is going to be true or not. I believe that all situations that are experienced cannot be described as assumption ahead of time. Assumptions are based on incomplete detail and also on expectations of a person or a group that are based on experiences that the assumer has had. All assumptions that a person has are fallacy, designed by the imagination to hopefully come up with a plausible situation.

 

There is no way for me to describe to you how I am feeling right now. I am frustrated to the penultimate right now. I get told by professors in the leadership minor, time and time again that this frustration is normal that I will get over it, then it turns into Professor Frustration as I do not get over it, then it has usually turned into me being difficult at the professors have had trouble on how to help me through my struggle. I am told that I need to move on past my frustration in order to make things work for me on my “journey”, however, not that I am asking the professors for a way out of my frustration, but I belive that this is a battle and not me being difficult, I am not a difficult person, I don’t like being frustrated with the situation, I feel that in the past instructors have failed to find away to help as there is often not easy answers for difficult problems and many in the past have used me being difficult and not moving past my frustration as a way to justify not being able to help. I am though not even nessicarily asking for help to move through my frustration, but asking to not get blamed for it. It is something that isn’t something I need to “get over” or “move past” it is something I need to move through on my own to use to motivate and to create change. I don’t want to be blamed for being a bad leader because of my frustration, I don’t want to have someone tell me that I am being impeded on my journey due to my frustration. It is my frustration that drives me that continues me on this journey, If  everything were okay in my view there would be no need for frustration and no need for change, but as long as I know the world can change quickly for the better without the intervention of the government, That I need my frustration, it is the catalyst for my reaction and when it runs out, I will either be so bogged down by it that I cannot continue, or that all my frustration will have been eliminated due to social change globally.

 

We went to a really nice restaurant for diner, the served classic South African Food, the restaurant sat atop a hill above Cape Town, over looking the city, It was beautiful.

 

I am going to just end on a side note and realize that our Group has formed amazing bonds in just 2 days. It is good to know that people here do support me for who I am and what I believe, even in a small group of students that have never really chilled together before have been able to know and feel each other, (T.W.S.S).

 

I probably will not write a morning blog today as it is already 705 am and I don’t have time to write another blog before we go out on our excursion for the day.

 

We also went to a market in Cape Town today every third or fourth booth sold the same items. Dave and I went into a store that sold the same items but smelled like sickness maybe plague so we left. Could have been H1N1, maybe.

 

I find it hard (TWSS) to identify all things that I want to concentrate on, think about, and relate to this blog, to my private journal, and everyday life. I don’t know what I am taking away yet. But I know  that I am continuing the journey. 

I was freshly invigorated by my toothpaste this morning. It was chilly last night but It will be will be hot again today and again I will sweat. Today I am going to bring my back pack so I dont have to carry as much stuff around. It is 741 here right now and mostly every one has gotten up as we will be leaving here in 40 minutes this is good. Ouma just dropped by with hair dryers for the girls She was taking her little boy to school. It was invigorating. Erika took a complete shower without getting her hair wet. As the shower heads here are about 8 feet high Im not sure how this task was accomplished. Today we are going to be going to the campus for a short lecture or a long lecture, Ill let you know its real and percieved duration in a later post. After that we will be having lunch on our own and then heading to the district six museum. I think it will be a good time as I do much enjoy historical perspective museums more then other types. Im not sure about Erika though. Matt managed to almost get up today without being cranky, it hasnt fully been decided as he hasnt actually made it out of bed yet. I was having trouble sleeping last night, but today I feel good.

I have decided that I havent fully committed myself to this trip yet as I am still very concious about things everything I have not yet been able to relax enough to experience all the things I want to fully. I know this because I still am thinkginga bout being at home in minneapolis, hanign out with friends and doing things that are more normal to me. I know that this sounds normal but during past travels I have not had these feelings. I would imagine that this is also caused by anxiety about future experiences. I am a bit home sick but not in the traditional sense, I miss stupid things about my house, the ability to be at home doing the same things I do here is somehow different.

The showers here are suprisingly effective, unlike houses I have lived in you can not only have 2 or 3 showers running at once, but the hot water lasts through 10 peoples showers, and the water pressure does not go down when other water faucets are turned on. The stairs in this house are deffinately a side thought or after thought as they kinda go through the middle of the room. I will try to post a video of our house and a little bit of the neighbor hood around our house. I havent posted any video yet I apologize I have been having difficulty charging my video camera as we are sharing only a few power converters, also it is not that easy to transfer the videos to my computer. I will try to post them today.

I havent yet been able to sit down seriously and write in my private journal. My Blog has been comming first to a lot of things which I am not sure how I feel about yet. As my journaling tends to be more private and much more free spirited then this public blog many things would be different, however I feel like it is important for me to let others know what is going on. I may start putting off my blog once in a while to start writing in my journal, however, Dave thinks it was cold too, so does Matt, Ouma's boy was very cute, heading to school. I still like to blog. Dave had no troubles finding the bowls today, morning routines are improving here and moods have lifted since yesterday morning. It is apparent that we have bonded more as a group and are getting more comfortable with each others habits and personalities. It will be difficult for me to get enough alone time here. Autonomy is a very strong value for me and my days usually need to consist of several hours of being responsible only to myself to do things that I want to do and get done, here however we are programed 10 hours day, spend 5 hours a day hanging out eating blogging, and then share rooms, I dont think other than late last night about 200 am I have had one minute just to myself, there is always someone around, Its only day to and this is already wearing on me, however I think at this point it is just a concern and not a problem, something that I am woried about possibly much more then will ever damage me. We are discussing a cd game we are playing, Dave made the cds and has the answer key and is mumbling down the stairs about it, I absolutely have no idea what he is saying to us, and I think he thinks we know that we dont know what he said. We picked 2 songs for a cd contemplative, and motivational I dont remember which two songs I picked or which one of my songs is on the Cd, that date was like 5 monthes ago of picking those songs, there is no way I remeber, I have too many favorite songs to do that. Matts finally up at 805 he likes my blues tune, he looks more tired than others still, he has alot on his mind still I tnk. Emily can decide what kind of dish she wants from the cupboard, but chooses nothing, People are woried about their batteries for their camera charging. I am in the living room now but am going to move to the more energetic kitchen to eaves drop on people. brb. Im back Matt misses his guitar more than anything, I hope his girlfriend or mom does not read my blog, but the truth must come out. Matt is also whacking people in the face with a power cord. I am going to get finished getting, everyone is going to bring backpacks today as yesterday we didnt and didnt have appropriate items for the day, or were carrying them around by hand, ready to go out for the day as it is almost time to go and all I havve been doing is blogging, no private journaling, or getting ready. Mykayla has been hurring to get ready to go running past me in the living room several times, i believe she is trying to dry her hair. I plan on trying to not sweat as much today as well but who knows. I am ready to experience the day now and am feeling a bit more commmitted to the journey right now.

Posting

as I will not have time to communicate effectively with all of those who I wish to, please feel free to comment on this blog page or send me a p.m at the e-mail listed.

Night Post Day 1

I have been here for a day now more then a full day by an hour or 2. Morning adventure with Dave and Matt went well. We didn't really end up doing anything, we wondered down past the grocery store and own a bit further, a grand total of maybe mile round trip. One the way back Dave tried to get us lost by taking us down the back roads, however I straightened him out by recognizing an apartment building that was next to our house. We also got our first view of Table mountain this morning. Apparently the neighbors house isn't very nice, or "its nice, however it has more character." also we should remember the camera in the morning cause no one brought any post it notes. False she did bring post its they are in the couch. We had some rusks this morning they were dry and crumbly, not very good in my opinion, however Matt heartily enjoyed them. After our trip around the block we came back to the house and departed for campus. Riding the "jammie" to campus was fairly similar to riding the "campus connector" It was smaller and blue and said "jammie" on the side. It reminded me of my friend Daniel Rosen who is often called Jammie by My roommates sister Katie or Katy or Kadie kattie, or like some people, we could spell it k8 e or la-a pronounced, ladasha. I would like to name my children normal things and then spell their names completely wrong. "hello my name is pay10 manning", or better yet "hello my name is yarif" (pronounced Jared) I am not sure. Our first trip to the university involved not knowing where we were supposed to go, including our mentors, having David show us where to go and then none of us having the appropriate items, i.e the trip itinerary or phone directions, or also a brown envelope. After our short hour or so long trip to the African studies department we went on a short tour of the campus including viewing some of the oldest buildings in Cape Town that are part of the UCT upper campus. We went to the book store, they don't really have any books there, mostly school supplies. Also next door we introduced, Matt and I, local student to the word Pop, whilst ordering "a bottle of coke" As the drink here is called neither soda or pop, so stop arguing about it, cause sometimes it isnt either of the things you expect it to be. Matt ordered a burger with fries proceeded to give away all the fries and then eat his burger. There was a small group of students with a Hookah, and apparently somewhere there were good looking students, but I didn't see those specific people. We had a discussion with Mark about how the UCT was similar and different to the school at Minnesota. there was also a flooded room in the Chemistry building, which incidentally is also the location of the Interstudy office, I dont know why?, it deffinatley seems like the kind of illogical thing a huge univeristy would do. It is quite a large university, there are about 30,o00 students including post graduate, which is slightly different here than in the US. It is different due to the fact that most students live off of campus as on campus housing is difficult to find and expensive. There appear to be many more students meandering about or chillen. I found it interesting that the idea is common that it is more similar to the St. Paul campus. However it is difficult for me to find out why. There were many students about, unlike st paul, it was a condensed space unlike St.Paul, it was build on a mountain, unlike stpaul, there are different style of buildings, there is just an air of St Paul campus there to me. Later on our trip through the university, mind you our hour or longer scheduled tour took very little time and we ended up hanging out for about an hour at the book store/food court. Matt after all his "criticism" of my note book that I carry around and write ideas in. Mark had a note book. Now Matt has a note book, he has been writing it quite frequently and will be forever grateful for the influence I have had on him. Maybe he will blog about it, or not. (2-0 thus far and that's not even real points just total posts, Scoring card would indicate a much higher advantage to me right now). Also Emily loves Trance, she hasn't fully admitted it but it won't take much longer, When Love Takes Over by David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland, is here new favorite song. The house we are staying at is very loud. The ceilings are high and every thing is wood and flat. There is a scarcity of dishware in a house designed for 10 people to be staying at its quite astonishing. After our tour of the university we headed out to VandA water front which is essentially a fancy shopping mall overlooking the ocean in Cape Town, I was sweating the whole trip over there in the van, I was litterlly dripping sweat, it is a few blocks from the new soccer stadium that has been built here to help hold the world cup tournament in 2010, I wanted to walk to it but due to its size it is impossible to tell how far away it is, it holds 70,000 spectators, which I found out on google after someone told me it only held like 40 thousand but is 4 city blocks long anyway it appears to be very large. We had lunch at a very appetizing restaurant. I already cant remember what it was called 10 hours later, it makes me realize how essential my journaling and weblogging is to remembering the trip appropriately as if rembering something can be appropriate or not, to the fullest extent. At the restaurant I enjoyed a Dagwood Burger, Fried onions, fried egg, lettuce tomato, etcetera, it was large and delicious, I intended to bring the rest home as I knew I would eventually become hungry again and enjoy a delicious burger/egg, however I left it on the Pirate ship... (more following) also there was an option to "pimp my burger" but I politely declined as my burger can make a living on its own not selling its body for money. Matt and I started to coalesce over some important ideas, we discussed with Ouma, the Interstudy leader, some of the feelings we had, also we talked with our other interstudy leader, NJ, talked about his extensive knowledge of comic books, and likewise the epic moving pictures that are being produced to further the franchises. But only DC because marvel sucks and is only Superman, and he isnt a real hero any way cause he has essentially unlimites super powers and only kryptonite can hurt him, which as I have been told by a few "experts" here doesnt qualify him for hero status hes just too good that he is lame.

Our talk with Ouma quieted some of our uneasy feelings about the situation. I think one of the main ideas that it is difficult for me to rap my head around is peoples ability to experience things that are vastly different without realizing it. It is hard to step outside yourself and look at a situation or experience from different view points, it is in fact impossible I believe as you can only view a situation based on experiences you have had, you can only view a situation from a new point of view based on discription by another which is then interpreted and applied by the listener, and view points that are facilitated by thoughts of what others percieve view or experience. In reality the only view of things we can have on things is our view and our bias views based on others experiences. It is hard for me to know that I went and spent nearly 15 hours of the day with the same 10 people and yet we all had hugely different experiences, perceptions, ideas and fears. I think that this leads to the idea of selfishness and ability to comprehend situations. As Matt and I sat and ate a lunch that was worth more money than some people here make in months, we felt selfish. We felt selfish for spending money, selfish for thinking things here are so cheap selfish for the things we do at home our habits and ideas perception of everything is changed here. There is no way to not feel as if there is something more you should be doing to help or anything really. It is also very difficult as it is still extremely early in our cultural tour and have not fully realized the situation,

we all have expectations, and digressing back to a former point have false expectations, based on things we have read or been told or maybe even slightly started to see, however whatever expectations I have I cannot help but think will be inaccurate as essentially every expectation of situations in my life that I have ahead of time turn out to be completely different. To explain through story, as a child when something has broken, or a foul has been committed in the home, that deserves punishment, the child will often draft several versions of the expected situation. The child belives harsh punishment is comming for having broken the window, the child expects to be yelled at or grounded, shamed, etc, however the situation is fine there is slight anger and punishment but nothing nearly as extreme as all of the possibilities running through the childs head. In this situation however the child has some explicit advantages in knowing what to expect out of that sitation, similar previous situations, detailed knowledge of the cultural standards for such behaviours, a previous relationship with the people involved, and the ability to easily communicate and explain the situation. However I believe that assumptions held in the situation I am in are much more innaccurate, due to several ideas mentions before not only not existing, but perhaps being completely opposite for me here. I have not yet even been able to come up with any expectations for anything. False I have come up with several expectations but immediatly reject them as conjecture of the mind as that is mostly what they are, simply my mind producing possible outcomes for a sitauation that it knows little about and based on information that is far too limited to be making accurate decisions/assupmtions.

Ouma helped here best by explaining the situation, however it is still difficult to experess any concerns, or any cohesive ideas really due to the fact that I we havent experience the situation and dont know what to expect. There is know proper way to express concerns for a situation that has limited information. False I can express a few concerns, mainly 2, that is essentially a 2 part problem based on single cause. 1 I cant make accurate assumptions about the upcomming experinces, 2 I do not know what to be concerned about which is disconcerning all in itself?

Ouma's best advice to us were tellings of here experiences growing up in Rural Africa, and how we are still being a great more help than many people in this situation.

Selfishness in more detail may be discussed in a later post as it is 1 am and people will be mad if i stay up late and get up early anymore. I think that people were upset with it today as it must have come up in conversation about 30 times that I got up early today. Hey you get up early its wierd. I think though that if you didnt realize, things that a minority do arent wierd or wrong, simply different.

We wondered around the mall for sometime just Matt and I discussing fraternity problems, legislation problems, and incentive structure problems in america/greedy societies. Incentive is based usually on total profit rather than total outcome, or practice, long term effects are often set aside to greed. This situation has lead to a banking bankruptcy, which in all honestly seems like something that shouldnt happen to me. Inncentives in my mind should be based on "good buisness" rather than on total profit.

Good buisness is proper, defined accountability and decision making. In many companies feel that consumers are accountable to them, when infact producers and consumers should be symbyotic, buisness leaders believe that maximizing the profits is the best outcome, and workers strive to meet goals that promote bad buisness. Degression back to topic

Whilst Matt and I were wondering we found the tourist part of the marina. Helicopter rides, and boat cruises. To our awe what is this that stands in the distance here, Pirate Ship. 80 rand. 1 hour pirate ship cruise. I mean come on. The idea was met at first with indecision, however I beilve that it will be a valued part of our trip when members of our group started to bond, relax, and hit on pirates/get hit on by pirates? It wasnt like they well muscled and tanned, or young, atleast on of those things was an actual quality of the pirate. I left my dagwood burger on the boat. I was upset. There was a bit of theatrics on the boat. A short skit involving grown men half lipsyncing half mumbling the words to a song and story play. It was a two man show disucssing pirates black beard, and others, along with Royal Navy ties. Also a man fake sharpening a wooden sword, and ending with a pirate telling us to drink because there was a bar on the boat. I choose not to partake in 18 rand beers on a boat, They didnt have any purple draaaaank i could have so I felt like I should not indulge unless the experience was right.

We made it off the boat in time to watch the sunset over the ocean. It was 75 degrees with a slight breeze off of the ocean rolling waves about 3 feet tall and a beautiful sight. Perfect conditions, probably one of the more relaxing moments I have had since being on this trip. It makes me wish that we had take the sunset cruise instead of the pirate ship, but exchanging entertainment for entertainment I enjoyed the pirate ship. I mean real fake pirates on a real fake pirate boat doing fake things well in real life. It was a trip of novelty, however, the novetly made the entertainment value increase 10 fold. After this we went home, I didnt sweat as bad on the way home, however we did see a bus headed to a township we read about, khyashleta, it was subtle but I noticed myself trying not to notice specific things about the bus or the people, however I will never forget the face of a small girl siting on her mothers lap happy.

2 more things look up 60 ghetto names on youtube, its pretty funny, also we watched it tonight and had a good giggle over it.

During a time while try to help out a mate here plug something in I got involved in a minor altercation as I did not see that the red light was infact on whilst plugging in her camera. The situation intensified quickly and turned into quite a dilema, but alas all is well and my computer will die soon. I will post more later. I need to go now.